so any body need or want a room mate?? how lives close to euless... because i really need to not live at home any more i am slowly dying inside... don't get me wrong i love my parents a lot and they have done a lot for me in the past and present for that matter. but living with them is getting to be way way to much for me to be able to handle and be sane. they both drive me crazy if its not one its the other. sometimes i wish i could afford to pick on and move to a new state and city where no one knows who i am or where I'm from or the drama and i could just start over !! but since that is not going to happen at least not for a while. god i just want things to go my way for once i need to pass the fucking class and the two in the spring so that i can move on with school and maybe fucking finish one day. and not be stuck at fucking Starbucks for ever!!!! at this point teaching is not even a solid thing. i just want a degree so i can get a real job and move on and start over get on with thing. sometimes i wonder what i am meant for... what is the purpose i see these girls who have so much faith and wonder left in them and i wonder where all mine went . i am very rarely happy anymore it seems. and when i am it is for only moments at a time. that i have very little control over when they do and dont happen. I'm seeing someone who i have no clue what he wants or where he is in our relationship ....... it seems like he cares very little about me ... unless there is sex involved ... and that pisses me off... we used to text all the time and now maybe once or twice a day and seems like i am always the one to start the conversation. and that blows. i have put on a lot of weight and know i should work out and hell i even pay for a fucking gym that i never go to .... always think about going. and i know i have the time ... just no motivation i guess. i hate the way i look i used to be skinnier and prettier and secretly i love the long hair but i hate it to. uggggggg is it wrong to want passion ... to want to be wanted more than just once in a while to want some emotion .... ugggg men blah

november 2010

this is really just a intro, i have never really been good at doing online posting... but i need somewhere to vent about my shit.... so we will see how this goes.....